Foster care sometimes feels like endless waiting. Waiting for a call back from the Social Worker. Waiting for the next court hearing. Waiting for birth parent’s confirmation on a visitation. Waiting, waiting, waiting. The child’s case seems to move at a snail’s pace with little sense of urgency. These children wait many months and sometimes years to have permanency in their lives. It seems as though the waiting will never end.
For me, waiting comes with anxiety and anxiety comes with sleepless nights. After years of tossing and turning and trying to settle my mind enough to sleep, I have finally found something productive to do during the waiting. Prayer. While I wait, I pray. I pray for the social worker. I prayer for the judge. I pray for the safety of my foster child. I even pray for my foster baby’s parents. Yep, that’s right. I pray for them. Everything inside of me is screaming to pray that they would lose rights to their child or that they would disappear. I so desperately want to manipulate my prayer to satisfy my own desires for my foster child. Sometimes all I can muster is, ” Lord keep my baby safe.” And then I wait some more. Prayer has helped to quiet my mind and calm my heart. If the years of sleepless nights have done nothing but nudge me to spend more time in prayer, well then I’d say it’s been worth it.